Gratitude

I know I'm not the only one stuck in this endless cycle of stay at home order.  I have such a wide variety of thoughts and feelings about all of this.  Everything from "this is stupid" to "we'll hunker down as long as we need to" and so much more in between.

I'll be honest and admit that I'm not doing it perfectly either.  To me there's this big black hole of doing exactly what we're told to do vs. me assessing each day, my life (and my children's), each situation and making decisions based on what I think is best.  Sometimes the two do not match up with each other. That conflict and what I do/don't do can end up with so much stigma, judgement & criticism.  I've had to work long and hard to simply not care about what others thinks, say or do about MY life.  Yet being a highly empathetic person and simply caring All.  The. Time. fights to put me right back in that box.  It's an endless cycle of who I am.

Despite all that is battling within me each day, one thing I've tried to control is my gratitude.  This takes constant effort and some days or even moments are easier than others.  This is an area that I don't think I struggled with before, but feel like this pandemic and all the life changes that are happening with it are really testing me in this area.  I'm also guilty of making my gratitude bubble very small and focusing on only the closest of things that I have any control over.  While there's nothing wrong with that, it makes it pretty easy for me to feel challenged by other bigger situations and happenings.  It makes me realize how much I need to focus on gratitude no matter how big or small the situation.

I woke up this morning with a renewed sense of gratitude.  This was the view as I sat in my bed.  I'm not 100% sure why, but I LOVE this view.  I felt calm.  I felt at peace.  I felt SO thankful to be alive for another day.  For me, this was a moment that God had put in my heart.

Perhaps it was too easy to embrace this feeling since it's such a small controlled environment.  I'll admit that in the time since I took the picture and now, even as I wrote this post I've been tested A LOT.  And being my emotional self  have shed some tears and struggled.   I'm going to go ahead and keep focusing on all that I'm thankful for.  Big and small.  I have so much to live for and for that I am thankful!

What are you thankful for?   Is this something you struggle with?  Talk to me, I want to listen 😊