I know I've been awol for 2 weeks. And I'm going to slip on in here like it was just yesterday that I last posted. I didn't plan for that to happen, it just did. I won't bore you with long excuses and stories, although many of them good & understandable.
I'm very aware that I'm ready to just break down and cry. Bawl like a great big baby. Mostly brought on by a big wad of frustration. It should really just be simple. I want to run. Yes, I know that aches & pains are normal & expected. I'm not asking for it to be easy. I'm tired of the foot pain. I took a week off and eased back into running. Things went well for 2 runs and then all of a sudden the pain re-emerges. I back off again, things seem to be fine and wham, pain again. Although this time in a slightly different area of my foot. It is the kind of pain that makes me think I should not be running. At all. Like take a long break from the activity completely. Well, that is easier said than done! Running for me is one of the top things that make my world go around. It falls in right behind God/my faith & my family.
This couldn't be worse timing either. I have a half marathon planned (and paid for) this Saturday, April 7 and a full marathon on April 28. Not to mention I had declared that I WOULD run 100 miles in 24 hours. I just don't get why....WHHHHY NOW?!?!? Why when I finally get my rear in gear. I declare this to be a good year of disciplined running and not just a few big runs here and there. I know I have awesome, amazing God given talent to run. I decided to stop taking that for granted and really have to work at it and have the miles to show for what I can do. I had an almost 100 mile month in February and had not had that good of a month since July of 2010!!!! I want this. I thrive on it. I get up at 4 and 5 a.m. or wait until the afternoons when everyone is at school to get my running done so I don't take away from my family. With the great help of God, I own my passion of running. It's my thing!
I'm trying so hard to see the silver lining or God's perfect hand in all of this. It keeps me on my knees in prayer, that is for sure. I'm cross training more. More weights, more biking, more swimming. I am running some. Admittedly at times I am loaded up on ibuprofen just so I can get through the run without such pain. I know. I'm sick. It's a disease. An addiction. I don't know what else to do about it.
WELL! Now that I got that all out (and that is the condensed version) and vented I feel a little better. A little. I did manage to not cry. For now. Maybe I need a big smack in the face and told to SHUT UP! Maybe I'm not seeing something that you all can. I need to be talked down off my ledge from time to time. So if need be, by all means, say something to me. Now, I don't want fluff. I don't want the sympathetic pat on the back and "it's going to be ok". No....well compared to me or for everything there is a season. I don't even know if I understand myself sometimes, so it's ok if you don't understand me. Just smile and wave.
Allllllrighty, folks, off to the rest of my life. It's spring break. Kids are home all week. I'm bent on being quite intentional with them and my time. We have a picnic planned in Galva where the hubby works. Let's see what the rest of my day brings me.