I so don't want to do this. I could easily not, no one says that I have to. For a few reasons though I will. A) I see a lot of other bloggers/runners doing it. Yes, I can be a total copy cat. So what. B) I think I need to put it out there to help set goals and some serious accountability for next year.
I will be honest, though, there is a part of me that is struggling with the whole low self esteem. I just want to beat myself down and say "see, you are not that great at all.....in fact, YOU SUCK". And that comes when I just compare myself to myself. Never mind the craziness that flows through my head when I *gulp* compare myself to other totally awesome runners (and I don't mean the Kara Goucher kind...duh, I'll never be like her. I mean the other sahms just like me). Don't judge, you probably do that too from time to time. Even though I put this out there, I know better. I don't need the lectures. I am me and love me for who I am. Sure, I can leave some room for improvement, but really I AM AWESOME!
Maybe it's just better to say that I've had a fairly sucky year. Here are my stats to show why:
Total runs: 131
Total miles run: 653.11
Average pace: 9:30
Let's break that down. Total runs. 131. Really?!?!? There are 365 days in a year. That leaves 234 days that I didn't run. Total suck. Miles run: 653. The reason this bothers me so much is that I can run 20-30-almost 40 without thinking too much about it. Those 653 include almost 100 of those crazy long distances. So in terms of training (and not racing) I only ran a little over 500 miles. That doesn't even make sense. I said it before that I know I can put out the distance with little to no training. What awesomeness could I unleash if I took my training seriously. I'll be honest, I don't know what to do about it. I DO NOT like following a plan. Ick! Oh, I love structure & predictability, but do not box me in and tell me what to do. Anyway. Duration & average pace: I talk about this in a previous post. I'm very neutral about this fact. Neither happy nor sad. I know 9:30 is still a good pace, especially if I am running really long distances. It only bothers me in the sense that the previous year my average pace was 8:30 and before that 8:00. In terms of comparing me to me, this slightly (ok, really) sucks. Running wise I'm still happy. My pace is not what makes or breaks me. I enjoy my running for it's running. Plain & simple.
Next year: I'm at a standstill. I don't have any very specific goals or races. I think that is because of the year I'm coming off, my hope & ambition is sort of crushed right now. I don't think it can get much "worse" than this. Unless I don't run at all. That would be a total nightmare. Anyway, so I had a total sucky year. Perhaps I needed to sink down this low to be able to move back up. I know something needs to change, but will tackle that in the coming days with the fresh new insight of a new year. One thing is for sure, I'm not giving up!! We'll see what 2012 brings me!!
Have a Happy New Year everyone!!!!