I so don't want to do this. I could easily not, no one says that I have to. For a few reasons though I will. A) I see a lot of other bloggers/runners doing it. Yes, I can be a total copy cat. So what. B) I think I need to put it out there to help set goals and some serious accountability for next year.
I will be honest, though, there is a part of me that is struggling with the whole low self esteem. I just want to beat myself down and say "see, you are not that great at all.....in fact, YOU SUCK". And that comes when I just compare myself to myself. Never mind the craziness that flows through my head when I *gulp* compare myself to other totally awesome runners (and I don't mean the Kara Goucher kind...duh, I'll never be like her. I mean the other sahms just like me). Don't judge, you probably do that too from time to time. Even though I put this out there, I know better. I don't need the lectures. I am me and love me for who I am. Sure, I can leave some room for improvement, but really I AM AWESOME!
Maybe it's just better to say that I've had a fairly sucky year. Here are my stats to show why:
Total runs: 131
Total miles run: 653.11
Duration: 102:40:03
Average pace: 9:30
Let's break that down. Total runs. 131. Really?!?!? There are 365 days in a year. That leaves 234 days that I didn't run. Total suck. Miles run: 653. The reason this bothers me so much is that I can run 20-30-almost 40 without thinking too much about it. Those 653 include almost 100 of those crazy long distances. So in terms of training (and not racing) I only ran a little over 500 miles. That doesn't even make sense. I said it before that I know I can put out the distance with little to no training. What awesomeness could I unleash if I took my training seriously. I'll be honest, I don't know what to do about it. I DO NOT like following a plan. Ick! Oh, I love structure & predictability, but do not box me in and tell me what to do. Anyway. Duration & average pace: I talk about this in a previous post. I'm very neutral about this fact. Neither happy nor sad. I know 9:30 is still a good pace, especially if I am running really long distances. It only bothers me in the sense that the previous year my average pace was 8:30 and before that 8:00. In terms of comparing me to me, this slightly (ok, really) sucks. Running wise I'm still happy. My pace is not what makes or breaks me. I enjoy my running for it's running. Plain & simple.
Next year: I'm at a standstill. I don't have any very specific goals or races. I think that is because of the year I'm coming off, my hope & ambition is sort of crushed right now. I don't think it can get much "worse" than this. Unless I don't run at all. That would be a total nightmare. Anyway, so I had a total sucky year. Perhaps I needed to sink down this low to be able to move back up. I know something needs to change, but will tackle that in the coming days with the fresh new insight of a new year. One thing is for sure, I'm not giving up!! We'll see what 2012 brings me!!
Have a Happy New Year everyone!!!!
Well, because you said "no lectures" I'll spare you. My advice: Compare yourself to me and you'll see how awesome you are. :) So your pace is slowing. You're aging. Not that the two have to go hand in hand, but it's not like it's unheard of. I, too, am formulating a New Year's resolution about running and blogging. In the meantime, pat on the back for you.
ReplyDeleteOk, a little psychology to turn it around--compare this to truly doing nothing. THAT would be sucky. you still got our there more than 100 days and ran. That's not sucky!
ReplyDeleteAnd if it makes you feel any better, my 2011 sucked until about 8 weeks ago when I got back to running after injury. Bring on 2012!
Let's take a look at MY stats for the year...
ReplyDeleteTotal runs: 3- 1 from a dog, 1 from the checkout line to the meat department, I had forgotten pre-pattied hamburgers!, 1 from the van to the store entrance...it was flipping pouring rain!!!!
Total miles run: 0.6
Duration: 5 minutes...bwwhhhaahhaaa
Average pace: I have no clue. Let's pretend I know what I'm talking about...35 seconds?!?
Soooo. It could be a lot worse! You could have MY stats. Wouldn't that just blow your mind!!!!!!!
Don't beat yourself up over something that is in the past. Look forward to the future. There were PLENTY of GOOOOD reasons that you didn't run on certain days! You just don't remember them. We ALL have those "why not's" in our life, yours is just about running *gag*!
Love you, you ROCK!!!!
Put on them running shoes and if it all works out that day and you ran, good for you! If it doesn't, at least you had your shoes on and you were ready for it. =)