Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Have you noticed?

It is cold outside. No, not the sun shines brightly on this nice 40 degree afternoon. I mean at 5 a.m. when it's dark and C~O~L~D! It's been a rude awakening from my trip to Mexico where I wore shorts/capris & tshirt the whole time.

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about telling you about Mexico. I just was sidetracked by my thoughts from my run this morning. My first run in almost 3 weeks. It was weird.

Granted, I have run in colder temperatures. I'd don't usually mind it at all. I think it has been the lack of transition that I had. I mean 3 weeks ago I ran in 60 degree weather and it was "so hot" that day. Then I was lazy, snuggled in my bed every morning, enjoying it's warmth. Then went into my Mexico temps. It wasn't hot down there at all. Maybe a day or two in the mid 80's that if you stood in the sun it wore on you. Otherwise, average mid to upper 70's. The only time I was "cold" down there was the night before we left. That evening it had gotten down to *gasp* the 60's, but even more so it was windy. It was the only time I put pants on. I guess it's one of those things that it's all relative.

So this weirdness of my run. I don't know how to explain it. I almost didn't run. I wanted to stay in bed. I almost talked myself into running this afternoon, knowing full well that I likely wouldn't. Part of me is thinking "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!" Someone slap me & tell me to get with it. All that spunky & drive that I usually have is hiding somewhere & not coming out very easily.

Once I did get running I was ok. Other than being cold. I was able to try out my new Muzino breath thermo jacket this morning. Very nice! Once I started out I warmed up. I knew I would. Sometimes taking that first step is just the hardest. A lot of mixed feelings & thoughts as I passed on my 4.something route.

It's not so much that I hurt or anything during my run. I just felt weird & out of place. A few times I snapped out of a foggy almost stumbling around trance. Where am I? What am I doing? Should I really be doing this? 4 miles? What was I thinking. Sure I did 30 miles few weeks ago, but I've done NOTHING since then. I passed mile 1 and thought about turning around. 2 miles is a good start. Repeated the same thought process when I figured it would be close to 3 miles. I literally started to turn, but turned back and talked myself into the full 4.  I was extremely surprised how fast & evenly paced I kept the whole time.  Guess I was on more autopilot that I had realized.

I'm working to get back at it. It's just a different kind of weird phase. As tough & determined that I am (and I have no doubt that I will stay that way) there is a part of me that is fighting the urge to just not run at all. Which is insane to think because I obsess over running. It is one of the top things that I can not go a day, even a few hours & not think about. I can't give up. Not now. Not ever. Not until I'm in my grave. And then I'll just be running up on them streets of gold. I just know it!

We'll see what tomorrow's run will bring. More coldness, I'm sure of that : )

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