Monday, December 5, 2011

Hammer Time

Per usual, I have so much to blog about.  What I really want to blog about, I don't want to.  Wait, does that make sense?  I want to write this big beautiful post about my friend Joy, who lost her battle to cancer last night.  However, I know that if I "go there" I will sit here bawling.  I have already bawled bucket loads.  I'm honestly cried out at this time.

So I went to the Y this morning & taught my usual cardio class at 6 a.m.  I wasn't feeling it too much, but got through the motions ok.  I did have SOME fun.  I introduced a bunch of Christmas music & it was hard to not smile & have fun.  It was also hard to not think about Joy and hold back some tears.  Luckily getting all sweaty helped mask any tears that fell.

Then I went back to the Y after I got the kids to school.  I had me a nice good run on the treadmill.  I don't know the last time I ran on a treadmill.  Sometime eariler this year?  Said subject is in the works for it's own post.  I knew I needed to take all this emotion and grief and just hammer it out on the machine.  I selected a treadmill in front of a tv that sported a channel that I like.  Not sure why, I didn't watch the tv at all.  I blared my music, losing myself to its sounds, rhythms & lyrics.  And I ran fast & hard.  Perhaps faster & harder than I have in months.  I also forgot my water bottle.  I didn't care.  I wanted to be thirsty.  I wanted to hurt.  I wanted this to be one bada** run.  After all, if my friend could fight cancer, I can certainly endure an intense 3.5 mile run.  Stupid cancer....take that 3.5 miles & SHOVE IT!  *ptttttttth*

I promise to give you a nice post on my beautiful friend Joy.  For now, I leave you with a photo of us together.  She was such a good friend and I will miss her.


  1. ((Carmen)) No words, words. : (

  2. Carm, I know a little about the kind of hurt you're feeling -- lost my oldest, best friend in the summer of 2010; it's still tough sometimes. Hold on to those happy memories and try to focus on the joy, even though that is it's own sadness. When you're ready to write, I'm sure you'll deliver a beautiful tribute. Take care.